Push down & turn

Tired Ramblings

I was feeling pretty lonely, despite there being people in our house and I thought I would actually write on here and express what I’m feeling for once. 

I started feeling this way, because as always I was thinking too much. I was cuddling with Orbit (my dog) in the green chair, listening to everyone laughing out in the kitchen, and I thought to myself I use to do that with my friends. 

I miss Idaho sometimes. I miss the friends I had back then. Most are still my friends, but you know… we all evolved into the adults we are now, a few of us married and even have their own children now. It’s crazy. 

Don’t get me wrong, I have a few friends here and I consider almost all of my roommates to be good friends, but I have a hard time relating to them or talking with them. I generally get the feeling that they are just really putting up with me, since I’m not a horrible person to be around, but I’m not necessary.(I classify myself as the “third wheel” so to speak.) So, naturally I feel like I can’t really let the “real” me out and I close myself off, because of it. I know they would accept me, but I need… more than that. I need what I had in Idaho. Relation. I knew when I talked to them they fully understood what I was saying, had the same nerdy likes/tendencies, etc. 

As I’m reading this I hear how cliché it sounds and how some of you are rolling your eyes, thinking defensively to yourself  ”what wouldn’t I understand?” Yadda Yadda…It makes sense in my head, the differences. I can’t fully explain it……..It’s as if I’m missing the companionship?? I had with my friends in Idaho, than what I have here. 
I don’t know. I’m tired and I’m rambling. I feel better for at least writing it down and now it’s not keeping me awake.

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